week two of six lines: #6.

There are some people who get it, and some people who don't, and when the people who get it get you, it's so incredibly awesome.

On a related note: Lizz Leiser is a playwright, writer, producer, director, artist, videographer, as well as Maker and Seer and Organizer of the Awesome. She is also a Seahorse. She once made me a Valentine's Day DVD that incorporated the Whisper Song AND Lords of Acid AND a stop-motion animation chronicle of her drawing of two hot chicks getting it on-- but it played in reverse, so it looked like they were slowly taking their clothes off. It was inksexy, which should be a title for a Justin Timberlake song in which the music video has him dressed up like a hot librarian, dancing around aisles of books. I'm going to take a moment with that image.

The now NY-based (yay!) Lizz has written/directed/produced theater in several of the U.S.'s fine cities, and she is producing/co-writing the Serious Theater Collective's vaudeville-horror show that I'm directing Halloween-time. She's done so much to inspire/cultivate/encourage me as a person and artist, and she just kinda has a knack for doing that for a ton of others too. She makes it all look easy.

If Only It Were This Easy
by Lizz Leiser

(LISA faces the audience, doing exercise to a soothing offstage exercise video)

VOICE
And LIFT-and lift and lift- AND LIFT- another set- Now LIFT- and lift and lift- AND LIFT- NOW LUNGE-and lunge- and lunge- AND LUNGE- Excellent- now let’s do abs! ...Now, place your hands on your belly- or just below your belly- with your thumbs on reaching around your sides, almost to your back- now SQUEEZE your stomach up into your boobs- really squeeze here- SQUEEZE your stomach into your boobs- a-gain- and SQUEEZE- don’t forget to breathe- and one last big push- get that last bit of fat out of your stomach and into your boob….Nice work! Now, let’s do the lower body!

(LISA adjusts her new huge boobs and centers herself for the lower body)

VOICE
Now grab your Scimitar (and if you don’t have a Scimitar at home- any old kitchen knife will do just as long as it’s really sharp!)- Now, bend down at the waist- pull the fat away from your thigh-bone and slice- very good- now, you may feel as little discomfort here- but breathe through it- ok- other leg- grab and slice….and grab and slice…make sure you get all of that fat- now the buttocks- grab and slice…don’t forget to breathe and grab and slice…Great!

(LISA continues to find fat and slice little bits)

VOICE
Now if you’re doing this right there’s going to be a lot of blood- so grab that hot iron we talked about and start to cauterize- cauterizing will sear the flesh and cause the coagulation of the blood which will stop the bleeding- that’s right just start at the base of the hip and cauterize in a circular motion moving down the leg- and cauterize- and cauterize- really breathe- and be to sure to cover the entire area- don’t forget the buttocks- fantastic!

(LISA finishes cauterizing her legs, cauterizes her buttocks and sets the iron down)

VOICE
Now, grab those gauze and wrap- and wrap- and really wrap those open wounds, in 4 to 6 weeks this will heal leaving a firm, toned, sculpted body- are you all wrapped up?- fantastic! Let’s cool down!

(LISA finishes with the gauze, she is a bloody mess, but skinny with big tits)

VOICE
Now, big breathe in…and out…and big breathe in…and out…and one more big breathe in, really fill those lungs- and out- now let’s say our mantra- repeat after me, “I’m sooooo skinny and pretty”.

LISA
I’m soooo skinny and pretty.

[end]