This is a scene that I wrote with The Serious Theater Collective a while back. It ended up on the garbage pile. I know, crazy right!?
by The Serious Theater Collective
Dr. Samson:
Well, the ultrasound is back. I’ve got good news and bad news. Good news: You’re pregnant!
Anne:
I’m so happy!
Dr. Samson:
Bad news ... it doesn’t look like it’s by your husband.
Anne:
How do you know that?
Dr. Samson:
Because the baby is half human, a quarter alien, and a quarter scary dinosaur.
Anne:
But doctor -- how?
Dr. Samson:
Dr. Samson:
Well, when the ali-humanosaur plunged his penis deep into your vagina --
Anne:
No, no. I know how sex works.
Dr. Samson:
Dr. Samson:
I sure hope so.
Anne:
I mean -- how could this be?
Dr. Samson:
Dr. Samson:
Well, by the laws of genetics, you must have slept with a half alien, half dinosaur, which means that a dinosaur and an alien must have had sex. Which means either 1. Aliens were present in prehistoric times or 2. dinosaurs developed time travel to impose themselves upon alien civilization. Amazing.
Anne:
Anne:
I find this difficult to believe, but I’ll believe it for your sake. I know what it’s like to not have people believe you. No one believes me when I tell them about my alien abductions. Oh! It must be option two. Or wait -- I don’t know!
Dr. Samson:
Dr. Samson:
Regardless ... it’s going to be a difficult pregnancy. You will need to start a regimen of both playing low-frequency solar waves on and around your uterus, and putting large chucks of raw meat up your vagina.
(a beat)
Can you believe they are both for the alien? Weird, right?
(woman sighs)
(a beat)
Can you believe they are both for the alien? Weird, right?
(woman sighs)
~ fin ~
